


Kinda Broken, but Still Good (Not Really)

by Gigabite



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-14 00:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gigabite/pseuds/Gigabite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coulson has a heart. Not many people seem to think so though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CeliaEquus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeliaEquus/gifts).



> Written for a prompt on Avengerkink:  
> Before hypnotising Clint, Loki said 'You have heart'. He might have said that to others as well. Anyway, the point is that the gossip mill develops the theory that only people who have a heart can be corrupted.  
> One day, someone implies that Loki wouldn't try to corrupt Coulson because he doesn't have a heart. It's a tactless remark, and nobody realises - at first - that Phil actually heard it.  
> Phil does have a heart - emergency surgery after he was skewered proves this - so his feelings are, in fact, hurt.  
> Cue whump!

He has a heart. Really, he does.  
  
 _Psh. He’s a robot. Why do you think Loki stabbed him instead of taking him? Don’t you know? Coulson doesn’t have a heart._  
  
Contrary to what people think, he’s human. He has a heart. Maybe a little broken and a little worn but it’s still good.  
  
 _Only people with hearts can be taken. By that logic, Loki wouldn’t waste his time trying with a guy like Coulson. There’s nothing to take._  
  
He died. Several times to be precise. His heart was nearly cleaved in two and they had to use every resource possible to keep him alive long enough to stitch it back together.  
  
 _Whatever. Fifty bucks that Loki tried to take Coulson first, and then stabbed him out of frustration._  
  
Sleeping’s hard for him these days. Because every time he closes his eyes, he thinks he’ll never open them again. Or he’ll open them in the crematorium, because SHIELD agents don’t get buried. If sleep does come, it's rough and dark, and he wakes exhausted and terrified.  
  
 _I’ll bet a hundred that the reason they had to keep him dead for so long was because the parts were backordered._  
  
He’s used to what people say, what they think. Because when they look at him, all they see is the Agent. A man in a nice suit and sunglasses that screams of a spook. An unfeeling heartless (though badass) government agent who came back from the dead because there would have been no one able to fill out the death papers to his standards.  
  
But… he’s just a man. Worn and maybe a little broken, but a man nonetheless. He stood against a god and paid the price. He hides it behind his suits ( ~~armor)~~ , but he can’t hide everything. He’s scared of sharp objects, can’t look at green or blue without flashbacks, and can’t sleep. Psych is getting closer and closer to figuring it out and taking him off duty. And still other agents sit in the break room and argue whether he has a heart or not. And... it hurts.  
  
“SHIELD always keeps excess of what we need, Agent Saunders. And you are late on your paperwork, Agent Weber. See to that it is done by 3, or you will have mandatory sparring with Agent Romanova four times a week.”  
  
He has a heart. Really, he does. Can’t anyone see that?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written later and is the comfort scene. Yay.

Phil was on the roof, leaning on the guard rail. Long day, even longer night. A drink in his hand, a bottle in the other. He’s off the clock. It'll help to relax, he tells himself. Too much work and home seemed less and less appealing.

He hears the fire door slam open and a loud voice. “Tsk, tsk, Agent Agent. Been looking all over for you. And look, I even have paperwork to hand in.” A familiar sound of crinkling papers fills his ears. “The least you could do is be in your office, you know?”

This is the last thing he needs right now.

“Leave me alone, Stark.”

The man in question ignores the order and strolls until he is across from him, looking over the city and its lights and shadows.

“It’s nice here at night, isn’t it Agent? The view is exceptionally good. If SHIELD wasn’t here, I probably would have bought the building a long time ago. The parties would have been the stuff of legends.” Stark isn't looking at him, just staring out into the city with a light, teasing tone in his voice. Phil can't help but hate it now.

“I’m not in the mood, Stark.” He turns to leave. Drinking in his office is always an option and it is quickly appearing to be an appealing one.

“Hey.” A hand on his shoulder (the not injured one, thank everything) interrupts him.

He takes a deep breath and shrugs off the hand. There is absolutely nothing to keep him here and if he was more on the ball, would have made sure both of them knew it.

“I can’t sleep.” Stark says quietly behind him. “I keep dreaming about the nuke and failing and dying."

The agent stops and the billionaire uses the opportunity to take the bottle from his hand. Grimacing at it, but taking a drink, he continues.

“Loki tried to use his blue staff thing on me too. Only this,” He gestures to the reactor (Coulson refuses to look, it’s too electric blue). “Kept me from falling under his control.”

So maybe Agent Phil Coulson was a heartless robotic being. He had no excuse at all. Just stabbed because Loki couldn’t be bothered. “Is there a point to this, Stark?” He demands harshly.

Stark just sighs and shakes his head. “I’m not too good with this Agent but, I’m just trying to say that… you do have a heart and don’t let anyone tell you different.”

“What?” Where the hell had that come from? He wasn't there... was he?

“I saw the break room vids. Must have sucked considering how close to home it was, huh?” 

He immediately throws on his bland face, but he’s sure that Stark saw the hurt in his eyes. He’s just a man with a literally broken heart, and getting reminders of that…

“When I got the reactor… I kinda got the same comments from people. Being more machine than man, only getting women to hide the fact that I wasn’t human, and getting said women by reprogramming them.” He takes another swig of the bottle and turns his back to Coulson. “I almost died and… someone died for me. It… was kinda hard.”

Facing him once again, he says so quietly that he can barely hear it, “It’s hard. But in the end… we’re both still human. We both have hearts and emotions and stuff. If they say otherwise, then fuck them. You’ve gone through some shitty things that they don’t know about and made it out. Maybe not fresh as a daisy, but you made it. It’s hard, but I’d like to think that it does get better. But in the meantime, it’s ok to crack a little.”

Stark laughs a little bit and says a little louder, “Sorry, I’m not making much sense here huh? If you want, you can come with me to a bar and drink all of this away. I was going to go, but the paperwork, huh?” He waves the stack like a flag.

Coulson chuckles a little, giving him time to absorb what the man was saying. Any other time, he would have declined. Dealing with Iron Man during work hours was hard enough. But... it was late and things seemed different tonight. "Sure."

“Great. Here’s your paperwork and I’ll meet you downstairs.” He gives a grin and turns to leave.

Phil glances at the paperwork and notices the handwriting. "Wait."

Stark turns around to look at the agent, innocently. “Yes?”

“This is Agent Weber’s paperwork.” He holds it up inquisitively.

“Uh… well, how about you turn it in tomorrow and give him a couple rounds with Widow? Saunders is being locked out of every single room here because of a faulty key card?” The man had at least has the decency to look a little ashamed.

He shakes his head, hiding a grin. “I’ll meet you downstairs Stark.”

\---

They've been drinking and talking all night. Surprisingly, (or not, considering who the man is) the billionaire can be a great conversationalist. And when the conversation gets a little more deeper and maybe more darker than it should, it turns out he's somehow an even better confident. But it's late and they both know it. Enough time for one more topic.

“Why did you come up to the roof?”

There is so much Phil wants to ask, but he compresses it into one question and hopes that the man understands.

 “Just wanted to turn in the paperwork.” S-Tony ("We're drinking in a cheap ass bar at one in the morning, Phil. I'm pretty sure TONY is ok.") says with a smile. “Though I’ve kinda said a lot tonight. Would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. Or else, someone's cardkey might have some technical difficulties."

“Just…” Tony says as Phil rolls his eyes. “You’re not alone in all of this. Sounds weird and sappy coming from me, but we’re kinda going through the same things and I know you’re having more trouble than I am. I have Pepper and JARVIS to bug the crap out of me and making sure I don't crash and burn. You have two assholes betting money on you and waiting for you to fall.”

Phil takes another drink. “Hm…”

“And just to clarify, you do have a heart. It’s just a little more hidden than the rest of you. But anyway, Pepper’s going to get mad at me if I don’t make it to a meeting later today, so I think I’ll see you later.”

He turns to leave and once again Coulson stops him.

“Hey Tony. Wait.”

Tony turns around as he backs out the door. “Yeah, Phil?”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you later. I still got to finish the reports from last week. I'll make sure your office gets them.”

He leaves and Phil takes one last swig. He knows he’s not fully ok. But, he turns over the conversation in his mind, he has people around to help him get there. He stands to leave with a small smile.

He has a heart. Really, he does. This time though, someone knows it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random trivia: I've only seen the two Hulk movies. (I should get around to watching the other movies...make some of the other stuff so much easier.)  
> Still trying to improve as a writer, so hope you enjoyed.


End file.
